"Ha Ha" Funny

It’s ridiculously sad how little information is available online about this year’s elections. I’ve spent hours trying to find out which districts I’m in, let alone which candidates are running. Each office has a different district, which makes it difficult for me to determine which candidates I can choose between.
I registered to vote for the first time last year, because for once I had a personal stake in it all. It’s useless to vote in Utah for federal offices–republicans win every time. But for local offices, my vote may actually have an effect. This area has the second lowest concentration of Mormons in the state, next to Park City, so the Mormons don’t always have a monopoly on politics. Anyhow, after the sewer backed up, and the mayor and city council made their indifference clear, I finally decided that I should vote.
The only federal office up for election in my area this year is:
U.S. House of Representatives – District 2
John Swallow – Republican
Jim Matheson – Democrat
Ron Copier – Libertarian
Patrick Diehl – Green
Although Ron Copier’s website is absolutely shit, I’m going to vote for him for the sole reason that he wants to do away with the Drug Enforcement Administration. Patrick Diehl’s hair is too messy, Jim Matheson is a cry-baby, and John Swallow is the type of person who you’d beat up in school for being a bitch.
Also up for election are the Utah House of Representatives – District 69 (Brad King & DeLamar Gibbons) and the Utah School Board – District 14 (Dixie Allen & Roger Swenson). I’m not sure who to vote for in these cases, because I can’t find shit about any of them. The Scum Advocate isn’t any help–they only have a picture of a donkey on their website (can you say “bias”?). The Salt Lake Tribune couldn’t care less about Carbon County, so their website isn’t a damn bit of help either.
I hate going into the polls not knowing jack shit about some of the candidates, but that’s the price I have to pay for living in BFE.

3 thoughts on “"Ha Ha" Funny

  1. Although Ron Copier’s website is absolutely shit, I’m going to vote for him for the sole reason that he wants to do away with the Drug Enforcement Administration. Patrick Diehl’s hair is too messy, Jim Matheson is a cry-baby, and John Swallow is the type of person who you’d beat up in school for being a bitch.
    ….
    That is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever read on this site.

  2. that is exactly how we feel. i’ve been researching for hours and can’t find, well, shit on either one of them. thanks for the 411.

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