The new year is approaching, and it's time to start preparing for armageddon. Here's a little of what I've got stockpiled so far (you might want to follow suit):

• 2 boxes of 30-06 ammo (40 rounds)

• 2 bricks of .22 ammo (1000 rounds) (mmm...rabbit stew)

• A lot of ramen noodles

• Lots of Pokemon cards (the currency of the new millennium)

• 45 gallons of gasoline

• About 20 extra pounds of body fat (reserves for when food runs out) :)

Here are some other things you may want to remember when the clock strikes 12:00: Do not stand near your computer--it may explode, embedding your Voodoo II in your skull. The power will go out (regardless of what the power company told you). Also, you should withdraw all your money from the bank as soon as possible--you may need to burn it to keep warm.

Note: I'm just kidding. I hope all the dumbasses out there who take this crap seriously end up accidentally locking themselves in their bunkers and doom themselves to consume canned beans and Tang for the rest of their short, pitiful existence. :)